Sunday, 2 June 2013

too tired to breathe.

Assalamualaikum :)

well, i was having a random talk with a friend of mine, when suddenly she asked,

'awak pernah tak rasa penat?
Penat nak hidup.
Penat nak berjalan pergi kelas. 
Penat nak belajar.
Penat lah nak buat semua benda'

Sebab memang pernah pun rasa macamtu sebenarnya.
There was this one point, yang rasa macam dah tak larat nak buat semuanya.
Penat nak jadi kuat.
Penat nak jaga hati dari buat apa yang Dia larang.
Penat nak buat baik dekat orang.
Penat nak tahan diri dari terasa dengan orang bila sebenarnya terasa gila.
Penat nak senyum bila sebenarnya yang dekat dalam ni tengah pecah berderai.
Penat nak buatkan orang lain gembira bila diri sendiri tak.
Penat lah. Penat. Penat sangat.
Sampai kadang kadang tu rasa macam nak give up je semua benda.
Ambik, ambik semua.
Lepastu biar, biar aku hidup dalam dunia aku. Kau hidup dalam dunia kau.
Tak payah nak fikir apa apa. senang.

Then dia tanya,
‘lepastu macam mana awak buat eh?
Ke awak biarkan je? Hidup jelah macam biasa.
Jalan je, pergi lakeside hari hari macam biasa. Pergi je belajar. buat jelah apa kena buat.’

sebab tiba tiba terfikir, when i used to think like that,
in a way, it was like saying, 'aku sebenarnya taknak hidup dah. tapi dah Allah bagi aku bernafas lagi, so aku hidup jelah. nak buat macam mana lagi.'
Astaghfirulllah. rasa macam tak bersyukur gila.
tau, bukan tak tau yang hidup kita ni ada tujuan.
tau, tau yang Allah ciptakan kita ni bukan saja saja.

tapi kadang kadang tu rasa macam, bercakap ni lagi senang dari nak buat.
theoretically, everybody knows yg Allah ciptakan kita ni bersebab kan.
as a khalifah, and also to worship Him.

'And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.' [51:56]

tapi, pernah tak rasa macam,
nak practisekan something tu tak sesenang macam apa yang ditulis dan dibaca.
kira cam kalau the theory part tu, kalau orang tanya memang insyaAllah lulus lah kan.
tapi part practical tu, rasa macam. hmmmmm lemme think first.

well, when she asked, it reminds me of these 3 stories.
stories that changed my perception towards life.

1. From a homeless person to a person who graduated from Harvard. Liz murray.
2. Ben carson. who had a bad childhood memories but became an amazing surgeon afterwards.
3. A story of a young girl who passed away due to a cancer.

well, i'll just share the third story la eh. the first and second, you can google them yourself :p
so this girl was actually just a random girl whom i coincidently found her blog, so i opened and read.

when she was first diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma, she was only seventeen.
a very young age, i guess. and she passed away last year, at the age of nineteen.
and to cut it short,
there's this one post in her blog that really touched my heart.

sometimes i think its because we're too used to get things easily, we somehow didn't value them that much kan.
bila fikir fikir balik, ramai je yang lagi susah dari kita.
ramai je yang sebenarnya tak dapat pun apa yang kita dapat.
ni baru belajar susah sikit, dah nak give up. baru rasa sakit sikit, dah nak mengalah.
and do remember, things are never greener on the other side. we thought it was easy for others, but we'll never know how much pain and efforts they've to put through kan.

and so, all the three people mentioned above made me realise yang sebenarnya, 
semua orang ada masa dia sendiri. yang dia akan rasa down. yang dia akan rasa macam nak berhenti. nak give up.
but then, how do we overcome the situation that makes the difference. either you give up, or you keep on moving. 
well, these are basically the things that i think can help :)

1. Take your own time, alone.

kadang kadang, memang perlu muhasabah diri. ain't necessarily before tidur. cuba try ni, keluar jalan sorang sorang, pergi taman ke. then tengok the beautiful views, look at His amazing creations. this works out well for me, especially if its early morning. lepas subuh tu, around 6.30 mcmtu keluar dah. then fikir, kenapa Allah ciptakan semua benda ni. kenapa Allah ciptakan kita. just think of anything that you would like to think of. and relate it to Him. and you'll have some sort of peace felt inside yourself afterwards, insyaAllah :)

2. Have aim in life.

most of us, including myself, doesn't really have aim in their life. memanglah, kalau orang tanya, 'apa benda yang awak paling nak dalam hidup ni?', kita akan cakap ramai ramai, 'nak syurgaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa'. tapi bila fikir balik, betul ke kita nak syurga? *angkat2 kening*
then cuba fikir, apa yang kita tengah buat sekarang menuju ke syurga Dia ke tak. not necessarily about ibadah and solat je. yang dunia pun sama. sebab dunia ni kan alat untuk ke sana :)
so, fikir balik. macam mana kita nak jadikan apa yang kita tengah buat dekat dunia ni berguna dekat sana nanti. as a daughter, as a son, as a friend, as a student. well, since i'm currently studying medicine, so kenalah semangat study kan. memang, kadang kadang rasa macam nak give up. tapi bila fikir balik about the main reason why i wanted this in the first place, rasa macam, 'no dilaaaaaaaaah, no! you have to do it!'. so yeah, try it out :)

3. Mintak. Mintak dekat Dia. 

sebab Dia je yang boleh bagi kita apa yang kita nak. kan? usaha memanglah usaha, tapi in the end, it will all come from Him.
'It is You we worship and You we ask for help' [1:5]
one of my housemates pernah cakap, 'kita ni selalu je baca surah al-fatihah. tapi pernah tak faham and hayati makna dia?' and one of the thing that i still remember up till today is about the verse above. Dia kata, sebenarnya bila kita baca ayat yang ke-lima tu, doa dekat Allah. ask from Him whatever we want to. tapi dalam hati lah ya :) and bacalah in a very acknowledging way, in a way yang menunjukkan kita betul betul berserah dekat Dia je. yang kita betul betul maksudkan apa yang kita baca :) 

jalan ni memang panjang.
tapi kalau nak syurga Dia, takkan la kita nak give up senang senang je kat tengah jalan kan?
macam kalau kita masuk marathon 50km, 
for which the organiser cakap once kita completekan the journey, kita akan dapat 50 million usd.
you just have to complete it. doesn't matter how long it will take.
mesti kita nak completekan kan? of course ah. senang gila nak kaya. wohooo
tapi bila kita tengah lari tu mesti kat tengah tengah jalan tu nanti penat kan. 
so nak duduk kejap, minum air dulu. rehat rehat.
lepastu sambung balik. mesti ada jugak masa yang kita terjatuh.
lepastu ada pulak orang lain yang dengki pi tolak kita, sampai terjatuh luka luka.
tapi kita teruskan jugak.
then bila nampak je garisan penamat, berseri seri muka kita kan? pastu terus semangat nak lari sampai habis.

hah macamtu jugak jalan kita nak menuju syurgaNya.
jauh, tapi it will all be worth it. dekat tengah tengah tu nanti mesti ada yang kacau lah, ada yang halang lah, terjatuh la, luka la apa semua. tapi in the end, kita nak syurga Dia. sebab kita nak sangat sangat, so kita akan teruskan jugak, no matter how hard it is.
kan? :)

'Truly! The Muttaqun (pious and righteous persons) will be amidst Gardens and water-springs (Paradise). (It will be said to them): Enter therein (Paradise), in peace and security. And We shall remove from their breasts any sense of injury (that they may have), (So they will be like) brothers facing each other on thrones. No sense of fatigue shall touch them, nor shall they (ever) be asked to leave it.' [15: 45-48]

so, janganlah give up. semua orang rasa benda yang sama. cuma masa je lain lain. be strong ;)

p/s: sorry terpanjang. this actually serves as a reminder for myself, but i really hope it can help others as well :)


Ahmad Afiq said...

igt x..kalau x silap Sh Navaid ada bg satu kisah x igt sapa...
Sahabat tu pernah cakap..bersyukurlah yg ujian kita lalui tu x seburuk apa yg mungkin terjadi...dan bersyukur lah yg ujian tu x menyebabkan kita hilang Iman kita... (pnjg tp x igt sgt..)
Dia cakap kita perlu juga tgk ujian tu dr sudut positif..jgn hanya komplen...apa yg Allah bg tu..mesti ada hikmah nya...

Anonymous said...

"It is okay if sometimes you are tired with life because that means you have give all your guts, sweat and strength in it "